peektuttut | [RL, Dick & Tim] [Backdated to 4/24 morning] Never dared to let my feelings free

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[RL, Dick & Tim] [Backdated to 4/24 morning] Never dared to let my feelings free

Tim realized two things upon waking: he wasn't in his room, and he was not alone.

Turning his head, he stared at the woman next to him. For a moment, he felt the corners of his mouth twitch, wanting to smile. But then his mouth went dry. Carefully extracting himself from the bed, Tim sat on it's edge, propping his head up in his hands. Oh. Oh fuck. Well that's what happened, wasn't it? He felt a little sick, a little like what he imagined a hangover to feel like. Just a little. Tim raked a hand through his hair, covering his mouth in thought.

So. No more Boy Virgin cracks. Plus side? And it was Dick, not some stranger from Chuck's club. Down side. It was Dick, and he'd just slept with her.

Tim scrubbed at his face silently, shoulders hunched. What the fuck was he supposed to do now? What could he do, that wouldn't completely ruin their relationship? "Shit," he muttered to himself, banding forward to lean on his knees. He had no idea.

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She had been sleeping contently, curled up next to the source of warmth next to her very naked form. Dick had a penchant for sleeping naked anyway, so this wasn't new at all. But feeling the bed shift next to her - a bed that wasn't all too huge in the first place - roused her rather easily. That was both the curse and gift of being a Bat, being awoken easily. Rising back to consciousness rather swiftly, she took a little while to blink her eyes open, hearing Tim swear quietly, Dick felt the need to just go back to sleep.

But she couldn't fake it now. Opening her eyes and shifting next to Tim. she made a groggy sound in the back of her throat. "Tim..?" She asked, voice cracking a little. There was... something wrong. She felt so empty not touching him anymore, so she reached out and put a tentative hand on his shoulder, and it dissipated.

He stiffened for a moment at the touch before relaxing, glancing over his shoulder at her. It was a brief look, and he faced forward again. He didn't feel sosick anymore and - had it halted when she touched him? He frowned lightly, getting up to fish his boxers off the floor. The touch broke, and his stomach rolled, almost tipped him over as he pulled the article of clothing on.

Tim glanced back again, hand settling on his stomach. It hurt. "Do you feel that?" He asked, walking back to the bed. Maybe this was a good thing. Something else to focus on. Then again...the Boy Wonder reached out, brushed her hand with his own, and he felt fine again.

Maybe this was a very, very bad thing.

The moment he pulled away, Dick felt her stomach tie itself into a knot or two, imminent, stronger pain a promise from the feeling. When he came closer, it subsided, and when he touched her hand she felt fine. Watching him, looking up at him for a long moment Dick was puzzled. He looked... like he was going to panic. And flee. But since they were on the same page here - mostly - she knew he wouldn't really flee right now.

"Y-yeah. It hurt when you moved away," Dick said, puzzled as she sat up, hand moving away from Tim's. That same feeling came back and she had to lean in closer to him, bare shoulders brushing. Not bothering to cover up at all, she just made sure she was touching him. "This can't be good."

Yeah. Panic was verging close. Tim looked away fast as she sat up, not blushing, but hardly comfortable with their nakedness. She was still naked and still beautiful, and fuck, this was definitely a very, very bad thing. Tim sat down on the edge of the bed again, facing away from her. "Think it's a virus?" He was carefully keeping his focus on the problem, rather than the touching. Where her shoulder brushed his. Where it just...He ran a hand through his hair. It had to be the stupid group - how likely was it that they'd been somehow attacked while they slept?

Given how easily they woke, it was very unlikely.

"Dick, I--" He started and cut himself off, not sure where to go. Tim wasn't one to let this drop idle, to ignore it, but he didn't know how to address it, either.

Dick, I-... Dick, I - kept going through her head. Those were not words she wanted to hear alone because what was left open left room for too much interpretation. Despite touching him, she felt her stomach plummet hard. Well, there was no use thinking that this was going to turn out well at all. She should have just told him to go back to his room and this wouldn't be happening and she... needed to breathe.

"Look, Tim. I know what you're going to say and I know we probably made a bad decision last night but you don't have to worry. We should probably just forget this happened." Dick rambling was a sure sign that she was going to start panicking, if not was panicking already. Shit. Shit. Why... was this making her feel so desperate?

Wanting to pull away, needing to, she didn't. Dick just shut up and drew her knees up to her chest, arm just barely touching his. "I don't know if this is a virus or what but it's... it's unfair."

Tim wanted to run to his room, close the door, and just think. And while he didn't really care if he hurt - he almost welcomed the idea - it meant she'd be in pain over it too. He wouldn't do that. Bending forward, hand over his mouth, Tim scooted back so his side brushed hers. It was unfair. It was extremely unfair. And he didn't know how to handle this. She wanted him to just - forget about it.

She wanted him to forget about it.

Rubbing his hand over his face, Tim straightened, staring at the Haly's Circus poster for a moment. When he turned, it was to look at Dick blankly. "Okay. Right." Yeah. Like it was so easy to just pretend that never happened. Something like annoyance crossed his face. "You don't know what I'm going to say, because I don't know what I'm going to say. It - did we really - damn it, Dick." he turned away again, frowning.

She wasn't going to be able to forget what happened, not in her lifetime. Hell. Dick was a freaking woman still and she had slept with Tim. Someone who was supposed to be the equivalent to a sibling, though who Dick had been clearly attracted to, but that's not the point. Recoiling quite a bit at his words, Dick just pressed herself flat against her knees, making herself as small as possible.

"You... I. We slept together and I don't want to forget it," she muttered into her knees, face burying between the irregularly bony joints. Refusing to look at him, but keeping the contact, Dick was so confused. It seemed like he wanted to just pretend like they weren't sitting there, their clothes strewn about and the familiar ache of a thorough fucking. At least that was what she was feeling.

A general sense of being used was spreading through her, and though last night that had been welcome, this was becoming, quickly, a bastardization of that feeling. Fuck. Fuck indeed.

Settling a hand on his cheek, Tim breathed slowly through his nose, careful and controlled. Okay...she didn't want to forget it. Mixed signals, Dick, this wasn't helping. The Boy Wonder pinched the bridge of his nose, glancing back at her again. On a whim, he reached out, grabbed her ankle through the sheets and squeezed lightly.

"I...thanks for bringing me home." It had nothing to do with the topic, but at the same time, it had everything to do with it. Tim was trying to thank her for not letting him do this with anyone else. It wasn't coming out quite like that, but maybe she'd get it.

The squeezing through the sheet thing was possibly the corniest thing ever, and Tim... Well. It was Tim and the additional touching made her stomach stop torturing itself so much. Still curled into herself tightly, she turned her face on her knees and hesitantly looked at him. Long eyelashes shielding her eyes a little bit, Dick might have just laughed humorlessly.

"Wasn't going to leave you there with that creep and the working girls..." Especially not after getting the damned run around from said creep. Hrmph. If had had gone home with one of those broads, well. Dick might have lost it. She was glad to save him from a potential STD and... rather selfishly have Tim to herself.

But for now she was just going to stay closely entwined with herself.

He tried to smile. "Yeah, he is a creep." Tim fell silent, not sure what else to say, or what else should be said. It seemed like there were a hundred things he could say, but none of them seemed quite right. Why was this so difficult to work through? Logic had always served him well in the past, maybe that was the route to take.

"Dick, I - I don't know how I feel about this. You and. You and me, I mean. I don't want to ruin our...our friendship." Fuck, he sounded - he actually sounded like he was in high school. First time for everything, it seemed. "That was dumb, sorry," he muttered, shaking his head. His hand was still around her ankle. "I mean, I don't want to - I don't want this to end...badly."

Which meant he couldn't bear the idea of losing Dick somehow. It would bring the fragile house of cards he'd built in the last few months crumbling down. He wouldn't know how to rebuild it.

"Neither do I, but clearly there's something here that neither of us can really deny, Tim. You... You don't just sleep with people. There's no way to - " Dick just sort of launched into speaking when he finished, picking up his idea and just spouting off whatever came to mind first. And hell. Dick wasn't going anywhere. Wasn't going to run from him no matter how badly they fucked up.

And they were bound to fuck up. Moving her hand away from her own leg, she rested it on his thigh and looked him in the face. "We slept together, yeah, but it's not... that bad. Wasn't bad at all, but I mean. Hrng." Words were failing her right now and she turned her head away again. Smacking her forehead against her knees a couple times in frustration, Dick just growled to herself.

"This can't end badly if nothing even starts." She said finally. Not saying she didn't want something to start - Dick did want something to start, in fact - just telling him the truth.

He went very still, first at her hand on his thigh, then when she finished talking. For a while, Tim stayed silent, this time working through what to say before he said it. "If nothing starts, nothing can be ruined," he said slowly. He'd been staring at the bed in front of him, but lifted his eyes to stare at her face for a few moments.

He had to look away to keep speaking. A snort started him again. "I don't just sleep with people. Probably because I never have. Until - last night, I mean." Bad time for jokes, Drake. Tim rubbed his forehead, closing his eyes. "If you don't want to risk what might happen, I understand." And that was as close as he could get to neutral in this, as close as he knew how.

Dick had to consciously keep herself from punching him right in the mouth. What had she just said? Did she just tell him: Tim, I think that we shouldn't even try..? No. She hadn't. "We're cautious all the fucking time, Tim. When are you going to start living? If nothing starts, nothing can be ruined my ass."

Dick was sure that this conversation was wreaking hell on her psyche and her emotions all at once. Moving to push at his chest, getting him to lie back against the bed, Dick leaned over him, face getting really close to his. Looming was what she was doing, really. "I'm not going to play games with you Tim, I'm far too old for that. You're far too old for that. Stop. Just stop... being such a Bat for just five minutes and make a real decision."

He...well. He had no idea where this had come from, but was it necessarily a bad thing? Tim shifted on the bed, peering up at her. "I live," he mumbled, vague defense already lost. He reached up to scratch his head. "And I'm not playing - I mean-" Well damn.

What was a real decision? Yes or no. Hadn't he just - just! - decided not to involve himself in relationships! Yes, he had. Hadn't he just decided this risk wasn't worth taking? Yes. Had he slept with Dick? Yes. Did he care about Dick? Yes. Did he like being with Dick? Yes.

That was a lot of yeses, and Tim scratched his head again. A lot of yeses without a clear answer at all, but. But.

He leaned up and kissed her lightly. "Are you okay with just - keeping it quiet?" For a little while, at least. Given the near brother status they were supposed to have, it just seemed like it'd be a little...difficult to ease into.

She really really just wanted to hit him. Smack him right upside that pretty little head of his and call it a day. But then he was actually thinking about it instead of making retorts, and she was just watching him think. Hand pressed in the center of his chest still, Dick had nearly forgotten that she was still entirely naked as she leaned over him. Oh well.

"Keeping it quiet as in not going around telling people that we're... together? Or quiet as in pretending like nothing happens or happened between us ever outside of these walls?" Because she could handle the former, not the latter. Searching his face for an answer before he gave one, Dick worried her lower lip with her teeth, chewing at it slowly.

It had been more than clear for a while now that Dick had, at the very least, a nominal interest in Tim. She loved him, truly loved him and this, she supposed, was the best she was going to get from him. Despite having to tear it out of him, and that sort of made her feel worse about it all somehow.

"The first," he ascertained, not sure he handle lying about this on top of everything else. Tim reached up, hand running across her cheekbone for a moment. "I don't want to," he paused, thinking of the right words. "I don't want to tell people we're....yeah. But I don't want to deny it, either."

Because if he had any idea of what she was like, any understanding whatsoever, he was positive that she'd hate that. She couldn't do it. And just like he wasn't going to walk away and let her hurt because of this virus - it had to be a virus, fucking community - he wasn't going to ask her to do something that loathsome. He was a gentleman, if nothing else.

Unconsciously Dick leaned into the hand he brushed against her cheek, ducking her head down to follow his hand as it disappeared. Making a low, throaty sound, Dick just looked at his throat instead of his face for a long moment before looking back up. "Thank you, for not... asking me to hide this." Dick said quietly, face tinged just a little with embarrassment. This shouldn't mean so much to her, the fact that he didn't want to hide or lie about this. Being able to tell the truth was just such a simple joy for Dick, she enjoyed that possibly more than anything because having so many god damned secrets all the time was frustrating.

Shifting to lie down next to him, only removing her hand from his chest when she laid her head there instead, Dick made a content sound. This was all she wanted, really.

Tim swallowed a little as she laid against his chest, feeling his face warm. Hesitantly, he slid an arm around Dick's back, holding her lightly. "Don't worry about it," he murmured, though he had such a tendency to worry himself. Okay, so. what did this mean for them? What did he call this?

He didn't want to call Dick his girlfriend. Mostly because she couldn't be a girl forever, right? God, it had been forever, though. He should talk to Eris or something. But then. Did that make Dick his boyfriend? ...Maybe terms and labels were not the way to go. He tightened his arm around her slightly, feeling his blush fade. It would be better not to worry about this. Yeah, right.

Dick wasn't really worried about being a man again, because the feelings that she had for Tim weren't going to change. But if Tim's were going to change, she sort of needed to know. Turning her head to press her nose against his breast bone, she breathed out heavily. "Will you still want to be with me if I get changed back?" Dick asked not quite intrepidly but tentatively because she wasn't sure if she wanted the answer or not.

Either way she still had immense feelings for the Boy Wonder. Pressing her mouth to his skin when he tightened his arm around her, Dick kissed lightly at the warm surface.

He glanced down at the press of her mouth on his skin, and Tim smiled slightly, something that may have been a laugh exiting his mouth. "I'm not that flighty," he said with a wry smile. "That was always more your area of expertise.

Tim looked down at her, smile turning bashful. "I think I'd rather you change back." It wasn't a preference in her, he was sure. It was a preference for things being the way they should be. "And if you tell Chuck or Bruce or anyone that, I'm stealing your bike."

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[RL, Dick & Tim] [Backdated to 4/24 morning] Never dared to let my feelings free

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