peektuttut | ➹ 54

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➹ 54 | Voice

So now that the fun's passed...should we put the money we don't have on another flood in a week?

Don't worry. I'm knocking on wood and everything. [He doesn't sound particularly bitter, really. More along the lines of tired.]

[Private to Shego]

[He so doesn't know if they're talking about this, but.] So...guess it's too much to hope that you took a good look at specs for anything cool, huh?

[Private to the Seventh Doctor]

Think the Admiral's trying to tell us something?

[Private to Sylar]

Ready to talk?

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"Don't sound so surprised." [Jim gave him a sardonic look.] "I'd probably hate it anyway. Space piracy is way better. I'll bring Sulu. He hasn't done anything wrong."

[That gets a snort.] Yeah, Kirk the space pirate. I don't think that's how things are supposed to go.

[Jim gestures around them. Meaning the Barge and how he was beginning to feel about his crew.] "Because this is how things are supposed to go."

And you really think running off to a life of piracy once Shego graduates is the answer?

"I think it's better than forgetting who I am or forcing a crew that I don't trust to serve under me. I don't want another ship with the 'Fleet. Enterprise is it for me."

If Enterprise is it, then why would you settle for anything else?

[Jim narrowed his eyes slightly cause he knew what Tim was getting at.] "If you have advice on how to reconcile who I am and who they expect and deserve, then I'm all ears."

It might surprise you to know that I don't exactly have experience being a captain.

[But he has done the leader thing, so he's crossing his arms and thinking.] What it's going to come down to in the end is you doing your job. If Shego graduated today and you had to do that, could you do what Starfleet needs you to? Can you explore, fight Klingons or whoever, and protect them? Because I don' think that's a problem you'd have.

"No, it's not," [Jim murmured, staring more at the floor again than Tim.] "That's not the entirety of my job either."

[Yeah, he sees that. So Tim's just staring to make up for it.] So what's the entirety?

[That's creepy. Just staring at him.] "I'm their leader. I have to be someone that they can rely on and it gets pretty shitty out there in the black sometimes, and I can't fall apart because they need me to be strong. And I can't do that if I'm the emotional mess that I am nowadays."

[Tim's good at being creepy.] That falls under protecting them. If you went back right now, you'd get the job done. You'd bury it if you had to, you'd deal with it later. Things aren't the same here as they are out there. So find a way to divide how you thought of them at home, before the Barge, and how you think of them now.

[Tim got used to leading a team he did not trust, this is like. second nature to him.]

[That is not the kind of thing you really want to be used to, Tim. It's bad for business.]

"And what if I can't?"

[Whatever, he had a team that was like family and half them died. Tim shrugs.]

You do what you have to do, or I guess you leave Starfleet. What's worse, the idea of being miserable until you find your balance with something you love, or never doing something you love again?

[Kirk would answer that the worst thing would be to find out that he wasn't really any good in the long run at the thing that he loved but he decided not to vocalize that.]

"I guess you have a point."

[Tim nodded. Bruce never taught him to read minds, just how to be a good little soldier.]

You soldier on. There's no way I'd buy that you can't do that.

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➹ 54 | Voice

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