peektuttut | ➹ 54

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➹ 54 | Voice

So now that the fun's passed...should we put the money we don't have on another flood in a week?

Don't worry. I'm knocking on wood and everything. [He doesn't sound particularly bitter, really. More along the lines of tired.]

[Private to Shego]

[He so doesn't know if they're talking about this, but.] So...guess it's too much to hope that you took a good look at specs for anything cool, huh?

[Private to the Seventh Doctor]

Think the Admiral's trying to tell us something?

[Private to Sylar]

Ready to talk?

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[There wasn't much of a wait before Tim pulled the door open, leaning on the handle lightly.] Everything okay? [He stepped out of the way so Jim would walk in.]

"Maybe?" [Kirk moved his fingers through his hair and sighed. And didn't make eye contact with Tim.] "Yeah I mean. It will be. Just right now is kinda fuzzy."

[He cocked his head to the side, curious and a little confused.] Okay, so. That's good. What's up?

[Kirk was silent for a beat before he sighed and just said what he was thinking.]

"I don't know if I consider Enterprise home anymore. And I hate the idea of going back there right now."

[Tim tugged out his char and pushed it toward Kirk, before leaning against the edge of his bed.] Because they left?

"No. Yes. I--" [Kirk stopped himself and sighed.] "Because I don't know if I trust my crew anymore. And I can't ask them to follow me if I don't."

[Oh boy. Trust. Tim has a feeling confessing how fucking paranoid he actually is won't be very helpful right now.]

Sometimes it's not up to us when we leave. It just - happens. I mean, holding something against them that may not be their fault shouldn't be the basis of you trusting them or not. Or is it - is it because they were here in the first place?

"It's not that. It's--" [That Uhura chose to leave, knowing that she'd more than likely forget. That Spock told him he wasn't his captain. That Bones had gone back on promises and now didn't remember a damn thing about it.]

"When I went back a couple months ago, I hated it. It was... weird. I'm not the person they're used to anymore."

[Wait, that. That freaks him out a little, and Tim straightens, frowning.] You remembered everything while you were gone? You remembered the Barge? [A beat] And they didn't?

"When I went back with Leia? Yeah. It was just a couple of weeks or whatever. But I don't want to go back to that and I don't want to forget everything all over again either."

So what do you want to do?

[Jim shrugged.] "I don't know."

You don't trust them. You don't feel like Enterprise is your home anymore. So what does that leave you, staying here forever?

"With the rate that Shego's going..." [No, that wasn't fair. Even if he could easily use her as an excuse.] "I don't know. Maybe I'll become a space pirate. Or teach."

[He'll let that slide, because it's not like he has any idea how to get her off this boat. Tim just arches both eyebrows.] Teach what? Where?

"Don't sound so surprised." [Jim gave him a sardonic look.] "I'd probably hate it anyway. Space piracy is way better. I'll bring Sulu. He hasn't done anything wrong."

[That gets a snort.] Yeah, Kirk the space pirate. I don't think that's how things are supposed to go.

[Jim gestures around them. Meaning the Barge and how he was beginning to feel about his crew.] "Because this is how things are supposed to go."

And you really think running off to a life of piracy once Shego graduates is the answer?

"I think it's better than forgetting who I am or forcing a crew that I don't trust to serve under me. I don't want another ship with the 'Fleet. Enterprise is it for me."

If Enterprise is it, then why would you settle for anything else?

[Jim narrowed his eyes slightly cause he knew what Tim was getting at.] "If you have advice on how to reconcile who I am and who they expect and deserve, then I'm all ears."

It might surprise you to know that I don't exactly have experience being a captain.

[But he has done the leader thing, so he's crossing his arms and thinking.] What it's going to come down to in the end is you doing your job. If Shego graduated today and you had to do that, could you do what Starfleet needs you to? Can you explore, fight Klingons or whoever, and protect them? Because I don' think that's a problem you'd have.

"No, it's not," [Jim murmured, staring more at the floor again than Tim.] "That's not the entirety of my job either."

[Yeah, he sees that. So Tim's just staring to make up for it.] So what's the entirety?

➹ 54 | Voice

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